23. Rules, part two

Hobblestone is on vacation. The story will resume after I get some feedback. In the meantime, here are the rest of the Rules we've compiled so far:

XXIII. All the Rules so Far (second half)

And so we continue. Have you communicated with me yet? You never know, you might actually influence where this blog goes. Go ahead. Give it a try. Even if you’re not sure where it will lead you. (Look up Rule # 177).

Rule # 71: It’s okay for friends to look askance at one another when the situation warrants it.

Rule # 72: Inner peace comes to those who harbor no residual resentment, bitterness, dismay or grudges.

Rule # 73: Self-awareness brings us a greater degree of freedom than we had when we were unconscious or ignorant.

Rule # 74: When we’re aware that we have a certain weakness, at least we can do our best to compensate for it.

Rule # 75: Don’t ever tell anyone that you “feel their pain.” That’s stupid and patronizing. No one can feel the pain except for the person who’s experiencing the pain.

Rule # 86: We all have our good points.

Rule # 88: When we’re in a Good Place, others benefit from it.

Rule # 89: Once we’re aware that we have Good Places as well as Bad Places we are better able to negotiate our way between the two.  See Rule # 73.

Rule # 90: Gratitude opens the bridge back to the Good Place.

Rule # 94: With practice, we can learn to build bridges which take us to our Good Places.

Rule # 95: Sometimes there are people in our lives who help us build bridges to our Good Places. It’s a good idea to stay in touch with them.

Rule # 96: Faith helps build bridges.

Rule # 97: Often bridges appear at just the right time, but not before, and sometimes we can’t see what’s on the other side of the bridge. This is OK. Get used to it.

Rule # 98: The Bad Place can reach out with its tentacles and pull us right out of our Good Place.

Rule # 103: It’s okay to get made at God once in a while; he’s God: he can take it. But don’t overdo it.

Rule # 110: Envy gives no pleasure.

Rule #111: It would be a better world if we all gave away our kittens when someone else wanted or needed them.

Rule # 114: When people are challenged more than they are ready for, sometimes they have to walk away.

Rule # 115: Waiting in silence is often a good thing to do when others are in distress.

Rule # 123: People who pray often have experiences which serve to deepen their faith. Try it and find out for yourself.

Rule # 124: When we ask for help, it often comes in the most unexpected ways, thank God.

Rule # 125: Sometimes God chooses not to use us to help somebody. We have to surrender that and not go on trying to fix things on our own. He’ll decide who’s going to help. After all, we can’t all be going about trying to save the world. Jesus did that; all we can do is help in our little ways when and if he wants us to.

Rule # 133: Sometimes we decide not to cross a particular bridge but the bridge just stays there, waiting until the day we change our minds. Not all bridges do this, however, so be careful.

Rule # 134: Sometimes we don’t cross the bridges what would lead us to a New Way of Living. When that happens, we lose out on something, and we’ll never know what is we lost.

Rule # 135: We often are the authors of our own misery.

Rule # 136: Evil seeks the destruction of innocent victims. It that’s true, then we also have to ask: Who or what is it that can destroy evil? The answer to this is very important.

Rule # 140: The stuff that matters the most is the stuff that you can’t count.

Rule # 147: We can only learn what we’re ready to learn; we can only understand what we’re ready to understand. If you don’t understand this, you’re not ready. Just relax.

Rule # 177: If you don’t step out into the unknown at times, you can never accomplish anything spectacular.

Rule # 200: Evil sometimes works through people. Even good people.

Rule # 201: Sometimes, the doers of evil are victims themselves.

XXII. "Rules" part one

XXII. The Rules So Far (first half)

                Somebody wrote me and asked if I had a list of the rules in numerical order. I decided that’s a good idea. And by the way, I like it when somebody writes me with an idea of question. I would also like it if someone would post a comment from time to time, but that isn’t happening yet. But it won’t hurt to ask, will it? I won’t make a Rule out of that because there are a lot of times when it would hurt to ask. Hobblestone learned all about that one day recently. I’ll tell you about it later. First, here is a list of all the Rules you’ve met so far. My goodness, there are a lot of them.

If you want to see any of these rules in context, you need to go back and read the blog from the beginning.

Rule # 1: The decisions we make cause changes in others’ lives as well.

Rule #2: There’s a configuration meant only for you.

Rule # 3: When we don’t know where a bridge is taking us, sometimes we just have to trust; other times we have to get off the bridge before it’s too late.

Rule # 4: When you block someone’s bridge you might do them harm. In fact, you might also do harm to yourself because you’ll miss out on the benefits the world will enjoy if the bridge you’re blocking manages to get crossed in spite of you.

Rule # 5: If you’ve never been “there,” or if you’ve never done “it”,let people know that before you start to bother them with your advice about it. In most cases, you’re probably better off not saying anything at all.

Rule # 6: Don’t take rules for granted. If possible, check them out to see if they’re true or valid, up-to-date or obsolete, and if your gut tells you whether or not they’re to be trusted. And apply this rule to this rule lest you be led astray.

Rule # 9: Good _________ takes time!

Rule # 10: One can have a lucrative job and yet continue to grow poorer in the things that Really Matter. 

Rule # 11: Life isn’t linear. 

Rule # 12: Sometimes you’re sowing seeds and you’re not even aware of it. 

Rule # 13: Just because you think it is so doesn’t mean that it actually is so. Opinions are not facts. 

Rule # 14: Sometimes you never know; you never really know. 

Rule # 15: When you don’t know, it’s better to keep silent. 

Rule # 16: We will only know what will happen when it happens. We have to just wait and see. 

Rule # 18: Be careful when you’re sowing seeds; you never know what they’ll grow up to become. 

Rule # 27: It’s ok to cry. Even if you’re grown up. Even if you’re a man. 

Rule # 34: When you write your own blog, you’re allowed to split infinitives whenever you want. 

Rule # 35: It is wise to find out how your teachers (or editors) feel about split infinitives before you go and split your own. 

Rule # 36: When you’re reading a book and you get stuck in a boring part, it’s okay to skip over it (unless it’s going to be on the test).  

Rule # 45: Sometimes it’s better when you decide to just be friends. 

Rule # 52: You’ll be better off if you don’t let yourself get distracted by trivial curiosities. 

Rule # 53: There are some things you can put off if you’re Not in the Mood. However, this rule hardly ever applies to firemen, policemen, emergency room doctors and nurses, and many others, including little boys who have been told For the Third Time to clean up their rooms or go to bed. 

Rule # 67. Life is a mystery. 

Rule # 68. You are a mystery. 

Rule # 69: Stop trying to figure out what can’t be figured out.

Rule # 70: We are often blind, even when we don’t realize it.

 I’ll give the rest of them next time. Now, think about writing me a note, ok?

XXI. Innocent Victims

XXI. Innocent victims

                from Hobblestone’s Diary (he lets me read it from time to time).

                “At Mass this morning I couldn’t stop thinking about all those people who were killed in Colorado the other day. Horrible victims. There they were, expecting to have a good time; for some, it became their last time on earth. For others, it was the beginning of a nightmare. I also couldn’t help thinking of the pain their families and friends must be suffering. I know I don’t know anything about that pain, but I at least think I know that it is much, much worse than anything I have suffered so far in my life

                Fr. Anderssohn (it has two s’s in it, like in Mendelssohn) talked about it in his homily. He spoke about how there is truly evil in this world, and how that evil seeks to destroy innocent victims. He spoke about how the deranged young man who was responsible for the horror was also a victim—he, too, at one time had been innocent—but something happened and evil managed to get its hooks into him. I’m finding it very hard to think of him as an innocent victim of evil, but in my heart of hearts, I sense that Father spoke the truth.

                A number of people in the church were very offended by what he said about the shooter, and got up and walked out of the church. I don’t know for sure, but it seemed to me as if they were still so stuck in their anger and dismay and their desire for vengeance and punishment that they simply weren’t ready to hear something that was seeking to guide them as well, to guide them out of their anger and vengeful thoughts. But they didn’t want that.

                I told Aunt Millificent about this when we went to the Rusty Bumblebee Café for our usual after-Mass brunch. She listened to what I had to say and then closed her eyes and was silent. I braced myself, because I knew from past experience that I was about to be on the receiving end of a Teaching Moment, as she always calls it.

                But she didn’t say anything at all. Now, of course, I’m wondering what she was thinking. I’m wondering about what she didn’t say. I think that I said something to her that had pained or upset her. But I can’t know for sure—at least I know that much: I can’t know for sure.

                There are so many things that I don’t know about, and it seems like they’ve piled up today. UH-OH! For a while there, I was speaking as if I did know why those people left the church. I’ll bet that’s what upset her. But then again, I can’t know for sure.

                At that point, Harry came by and joined us for brunch. He had stayed behind after Mass to talk with Fr. Anderssohn about some volunteer work he was doing next week with Samantha. Aunt Millificent and I never got to finish our discussion. I’m sure we’ll take it up again at some other time. But then again, I can’t know for sure.

                One more thing: I’m sorry those people left the church when they did, because the end of Father’s homily was a hum-dinger: All he did was point to the crucifix—point to the body on the cross—and repeated the words he had said earlier: “Evil seeks to destroy innocent victims.” He left the rest of the thinking to us.

Rule # 136: Evil seeks the destruction of innocent victims. It that’s true, then we also have to ask: Who or what is it that can destroy evil? The answer to this is very important.

Rule # 200: Evil sometimes works through people. Even good people.

            Rule # 201: Sometimes, the doers of evil are victims themselves.

Rule # 114: When people are challenged more than they are ready for, sometimes they have to walk away.

This has been a pretty serious entry. Let’s not get distracted from it by thinking about any of the following: 1) the politics of gun laws; 2) finding someone or something to blame; 3) atheists.

Please send feedback.

XX. Something for you to try out

XX. Something for you to try out

                So: last time I promised to give you a little exercise to try, and I promised that trying it would be well worth the effort.

                Before I do that, however, I want to tell you that if you’ve already decided that you’re not interested, you can go do something else. The next entry will be along in a few days. Just remember Entry # 20 in case some day you change your mind and want to go back and find out what it is. The bridge will still be waiting for you. Just like is says in the Rule:

Rule # 133: Sometimes we decide not to cross a particular bridge but the bridge just stays there, waiting until the day we change our minds. Not all bridges do this, however, so be careful.

Anyway, on to the exercise:

Take out a journal-type notebook or, if you don’t have one, take three sheets of paper—ruled, if possible. Then commit yourself to filling those three pages with writing. You can write about anything you want. Just jot down anything at all that comes into your head. Don’t censor yourself because no one is ever going to read what you write. And keep this in mind: there is no wrong way to do it. In fact, there is only one rule at all: Keep the Pen(cil) moving. Don’t stop and think. Just keep writing. If, along the way, you think to yourself “I don’t have anything to say,” just write that down, and then keep listening to the tape that’s running in your head, and let what’s in your head flow unto the page. Don’t forget that there’s only one rule: Keep the pen moving.

When you begin, you might doubt you’ll be able to fill those three pages with writing. The Blank Page can be threatening. We never know what bridge is going show itself, and even when it does and we start to cross, sometimes the fog rolls in and we can’t even see more than one or two steps ahead. Don’t worry: it’s okay. In fact, it’s a good experience to have. In fact, it’s an Important Experience  to have.

Think of it this way: how many times in your life have you been walking through the woods in the dark or crossing a bridge (metaphorically, of course), not know what is ahead of you, even if you’re walking with a flashlight. You take a step and the next step appears in front of you. One more step, and another appears. Step by step by step.

It’s nice to know sometimes that we are being led. It’s nice to know that we will be lead. (It’s good to stop and wonder every once in a while who it is that’s doing the leading?)

Think of Columbus crossing the ocean. Think of an inventor fiddling around but now knowing what he’s going to end up with. Think of a writer being led through a poem, or novel. Think of a composer developing a symphony. Except for those very few times when we have an explosion of insight and the finished product appears in front of us (Mozart used to say that often happened to him), most of the time our process is more like the process of filling three blank pages in a journal.

Sometimes, when I’m writing an entry, or even editing one, I have no idea where I’m going to end up. But something always comes. (Of course it does; otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this). And I can tell you right now that when I began working on this entry I had no idea I would going in this direction. In fact, sometimes I wonder if it’s really me who’s writing the blog or whether I’m just some kind of conduit. Neat stuff, I say; also, scary stuff.  But it’s often The Way Things Happen.

Rule # 97: Sometimes bridges appear at just the right time, but not before, and sometimes we can’t see what’s on the other side of the bridge. This is OK. Get used to it.

Rule # 177: If you don’t step out into the unknown at times, you can never accomplish anything spectacular.

Another challenge for you: Write those three pages every day. It will help transform your life. If you’d like to find out more about this, go get yourself a book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. She’ll explain all about it right in the introduction to the book.

And that’s all for today. I hope you go and try the little experiment if you haven’t ever done something like that in your life. Maybe you’ve been led in a direction that will surprise you. We never know, we never really know. Do we?

And now I have a list of three more things I want to tell you about: 1) Samantha’s housewarming party; 2) People who don’t think they’re creative; 3) How Hobblestone and Harry got to be friends. Maybe we’ll get to cross those bridges some day.

Meanwhile, don’t fret about any of the following: 1) tomorrow; 2) Why did Samantha think it necessary to buy her own home; 3) random things like avocados.

XIX. Into the unknown.

XIX.  Into the unknown.

                Before I start this entry I want to point out to you that At This Very Moment  you have absolutely no idea where this blog is going to be taking you today. And if it’s any consolation to you, I don’t know myself. This blog itself is a Mystery, just like so many other things in life. In fact, this blog is like life. “How?” you ask. “ I’ll tell you how:

                Just like in life, you won’t know what will happen in this blog until it happens. You just have to wait and see what turns up. Just like in life. In fact, it’s a rule about life:

Rule # 16: We will only know what will happen when it happens. We have to just wait and see what turns up.

Do you remember Abraham (Section V)? Told by God to travel to a place God has prepared for him that he didn’t know anything about? Well, that’s just like us: we’re always traveling toward parts unknown. Sometimes We Think We Know but we are sadly mistaken. All of us. Including me (who doesn’t know how this blog entry will end up) and including you. My goodness, you can’t even leave the house and go down to the convenience store to buy a package of sugar free gum and a bottle of olives without something happening that you never would have expected to happen. A few possibilities:

·         You bump into the person who will become your life-long best friend (or even more than that.)

·         You find a five dollar bill lying in the street.

·         You bend over to pick up the five dollar bill and almost get run over by a Snapple® truck.

·         You suddenly get an answer to a problem you’d been working on all week—it just pops into your head when you least expect it. (That happens a lot. It’s part of the creative process, you know.)

·         You meet a little boy who is crying because his dog just died.

·         You say hello to Virgil’s mother who’s in the story to buy some bak choi.

·         While you’re talking with Virgil’s mother, some masked man with a gun tries to rob the place.

·         Virgil’s mother knocks out the would-be robber with a gallon of frozen fudge ripple ice cream.

Do you see what I mean? As is says in the book of Isaiah, I will lead the blind on their journey; by paths unknown I will guide them.

And then there’s the whole question of who is it that’s speaking those words, who is doing the leading and who are “the blind.” But by now I hope you realize that you and I are the blind ones, dear readers.

Rule # 70: We are often blind, even when we don’t realize it.

Here are some further examples of blind people we have met:

·         A year before Hobblestone’s uncle moved to Topeka, he never would have dreamed that he’d be moving to Topeka. In fact, he didn’t even know where Topeka was.

·         When Virgil was dating Lucinda, he never expected that one day he’d be dating Pam instead.

·         Virgil’s mother was totally confused now that Virgil wasn’t going to marry Lucinda. Confused, frustrated, angry and bitter, in fact. She thought she had had things All Figured Out. (We know about thinking that way, don’t we?)

·         And how could we forget? Until the Disappointing Letter from Graduate School arrived, Hobblestone thought he knew what he would be studying and where he would be studying it. But suddenly, he was faced with a blank slate. An empty page. A future unknown. A bridge surrounded by fog so thick that he couldn’t even tell where the bridge was leading.

·         One night, Hobblestone and Harry were on their way to the movies. At least they thought that’s where they were going. But along the way they saw a car on the side of the road with its hazard lights blinking and, lo and behold, it turned out to be their friend Virgil. His car had just stopped running and he had to coast to the side of the road. They stopped to help him. Harry, who knew a lot about cars, was able to fix the problem. (Don’t worry about what the problem was. It Doesn’t Matter.) But anyway, to cut a long story short, they never ended up going to the movies that night. Instead, they ended up in the Rusty Bumblebee Café drinking overpriced lattes and having a great time reminiscing about the housewarming party they’d been to at Samantha’s new condo. (More about Samantha’s housewarming party later.)

And so there you have it: they thought they knew where they were heading, but they ended up where they never expected to be going. It turned out to be a good evening. They had far more fun than they would have had at the movies. (Don’t’ ask what movie they were going to see. It Doesn’t Matter.) 

On a related note, I know a way that you can experience on a daily basis the sensation of not knowing where you are going. A way that is guaranteed to work. A way that can have an enormous impact on your life if you’re ready to handle the Transformation. Would you like to know what it is? I don’t care whether you do or not: I’m still going to tell you about it. Then you can decide whether or not to cross the bridge. I’ll tell you all about it next time. 

Meanwhile, be assured that this blog will not be dealing with: 1) chaos theory; 2) the history of Amazing Grace;  3) bak choy recipes for diabetics.

XVIII. Transformation 101

XVIII. Transformation 101

                Last time I promised you I’d explain what I mean by transformation. So let’s get that out of the way right now so we can move on to other things. When I  speak of transformation, I’m speaking of a change in nature or character that begins “internally” with words and thoughts, but then begins to manifest itself in actual behavior. Transformation happens when people cross Significant Bridges. Here are a few examples:

·         Hobblestone observed the cat, thought about it, crossed the Flexibility Bridge and stopped throwing tantrums when he didn’t get what he wanted.

·         Hobblestone’s uncle thought about a lot of things that made him able to cross the Leap into the Unknown Bridge which eventually got him to Topeka, where he’s done quite well for himself. And he has very good health insurance which paid for his kidney stone problem.

·         Virgil crossed the It’s Okay To Say if We Just Stay Friends bridge and stopped dating Lucindaso he could finally cross the Pam Bridge. Virgil’s mother, on the other hand, continued thinking that she knew what was best for her son (=marrying Lucinda) and didn’t cross any bridges at all.

·         I thought about how much I loved my buddy’s beagle, crossed the “Don’t Get Mad at the Stupid Mutt  Who Doesn’t Know Any Better” Bridge and didn’t get angry when the dear doggy made off with another one of my socks.

·         Mamma Buttons (you haven’t met her yet) did a lot of thinking about folks over 70, noticed which ones were still brightening up the world and which ones gave up and grew bitter. She underwent a Tranformation, went out to volunteer at the local methadone clinic, and became a beloved “grandmother figure” by one and by all, addicts and non-addicts, policemen, social workers, doctors, nurses, and her 19 grandchildren. She also became a “class grandmother” for Pam’s class at the Hobblestone Elementary School where she grew very adept at recognizing children who were victims of abuse. But that’s another story all together. (And now you’ve met Mamma Buttons, and might I point out that you had no idea you’d be meeting her when you started reading this blog entry. We never know what’s coming up, we never really know).

                Note also that a lot of people never cross any bridges because they refuse to examine the way they think, no matter how much the facts show them that they are mistaken. For them, facts don’t matter; Transformation is impossible. This happens especially in politics and in religion. There’s also a saying about non-transformation that’s been floating around in different forms. Here’s one version: “If you keep thinking the way you’re thinking, what you’re going to end up with is what you have.” Be warned, my friends. Be very warned.

                So give yourself a quick check to see how you’re doing on the Transofrmation  scale:  How has your thinking changed in a way that is affecting your attitudes and behaviors? Are you crossing bridges, or a you still stuck on an island that keeps getting smaller and smaller as time goes on?

Heady stuff, I know. If it doesn’t make any sense to you, don’t worry about it. You’re probably not ready for it yet.

Rule # 147: We can only learn what we’re ready to learn; we can only understand what we’re ready to understand. If you don’t understand this, you’re not ready. Just relax.

                Now I certainly don’t know what you’re ready for or not, and that’s the way it should be. After all, even if I did know who you are I still could only take a guess at what you’re ready for since basically you are a Mystery to me. So I’m going to stop this entry now and we’ll talk more about Transformation some other time.

                Until then, think about these things. Don’t, however, concern yourself with any of the following: 1)” No child left behind” and the damage it has done; 2) mind-altering drugs; 3) What the night life in Topeka is like.

XVII. Some things to think about

XVII. Some things for you to think about.

                So Hobblestone had yet another proof that he God was always taking care of him, especially when he had trouble realizing it. God was using people such as his parents, Aunt Millificent, Harry, his uncle in Topeka, Virgil and many others many times and in many ways, and his visit with Aunt Millificent left him thinking about these things. He successfully crossed the bridge back to the Good Place.

Rule # 90: Gratitude opens the bridge back to the Good Place.

Things for you to think about: Who are the people that God has put in your life as instruments  of his care for you? Is it possible that he might be using you that way in someone else’s life? Can you remember a time in your life when you thought things were going wrong when in retrospect you realize that someone was watching out for you?

But God wasn’t doing all the work himself. Hobblestone had to cooperate, just like you and I had to cooperate. Hobblestone was the one who had to make a conscious, deliberate decision to cross the bridges which opened up before him. And one bridge led to another. But without that first step . . .

It makes me wonder. How many times has God laid a bridge before me which I chose not to cross? What have I missed out by resisting? How about you? We’re back to that fork in the road that Robert Frost wrote about back in section II.

A lot of those questions are unanswerable. At least on this side of the grave, assuming that there are two sides to the grave. Which I do. And I bet you do, too, because if you didn’t, I doubt you’d still be reading this blog. But who am I to make assumptions? Maybe you are, so if you are, think more about these things, would you?

Anyway, there’s a rule we should take a look at. Keep it if you think it makes sense to you.

Rule # 134: Sometimes we don’t cross the bridges what would lead us to a New Way of Living. When that happens, we lose out on something, and we’ll never know what is we lost.

                Ah . . . if only we could tell where our decisions would take us! But life is a mystery . A mystery we sometimes never get to figure out. And as much as we don’t like it, for some reason it’s better that way. Maybe it will all get sorted out , like I said before, on the other side of the grave. But here in this life, we just have to keep praying for Wisdom and Guidance. And if a mystery does unravel itself, be grateful. If it doesn’t, be patient.  

Rule # 67: Life is a mystery.

Rule # 68: You are a mystery.

Rule # 69: Stop trying to figure out what can’t be figured out.

While I’m on the subject: Please don’t forget that you are indeed a precious, unique, beautiful and complex mystery. There are many facets to you, some of which you haven’t even discovered yet. And if you’re like me, there are some parts of you that you can’t even figure out yourself. So how could anyone else. And how dare you, or anyone, assume that you have someone else all figured out. And if ever someone comes along who tells you “I have you all figured out,” run in the other direction as fast as you can, because you’re dealing with an idiot who can only see life in one dimension. I’ll never be able to figure out people like that!

We can sum this up with a statement by Charles Dickens (A Tale of Two Cities):

A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.

                But on the other hand, if you think you have someone All Figured Out, think again. And if possible, apologize. And in the future, pepper your conversations with humble yet honest disclaimers such as:

·         I may be mistaken, but it seems . . .

·         I don’t know you well enough to . . .

·         There’s an observation I’d like to make—I’m not sure it applies to your situation because only you can know that, but . . .

·         I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your shoes, but . . .

·         Here are some things it might be helpful for you to consider . . .

At this point, it would be a good idea for you to make up a few of your own and practice them just in case a situation arises where you’re tempted to sound like a know-it-all. I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t waste my time getting into any kind of involved discussion with a know-it-all.

I’d like to tell you  one thing at this point. But if it doesn’t apply to you, just let it be. After all, you’re a mystery to me. Anyway, here’s what I want to say. Whenever we open our minds to consider something that we’ve never considered before, there is a possibility that we are about to undergo a significant Transformation in our lives.

Some of you  might be wondering exactly what I mean by Transformation. That’s a very good question, and I promise to answer it in the next entry. Really.

                In the meantime, take a look around your brain and consider if there are any mysteries in your life that you haven’t been able to figure out, and if there are, try to just let them be. It will reduce your stress level. But maybe I’m wrong because I don’t know you well enough.

                And to get started, here are a few things that you can’t figure out yet. Let them be: 1) How old is Hobblestone now? 2) Was Aunt Millificent ever married? 3) How to deal with difficult people.