III. Bridge Blockers

                Note: This blog is a serial, so you might want to go back and read it from the beginning.

As you know, Hobblestone has an uncle who moved to Topeka. He must have done well out there—well enough to be able to afford a very expensive fountain pen to send to Hobblestone as a graduation gift. We might also note that even though Hobblestone’s uncle moved far away from friends and family (he used to have a house three doors down from Hobblestone), he managed to stay in touch with people back home. Their relationships didn’t dissolve because of the move; they simply moved on to a new phase or stage.

You see, relationships themselves have bridges to cross.  And when one person crosses a bridge, so do the relationships with those he leaves behind, each in their own way. This is a fact of life that we might even consider to be a Rule About How things Are. We’ll keep a list of rules as we continue through our saga.

Rule # 1: The decisions we make cause changes in others’ lives as well.

Note: you can usually verify a rule by simply Taking A Good Look At Your Own Life. Go ahead. Test Rule # 1 by thinking of what has happened to you when people have moved away, or when you’ve been the one to cross a significant bridge.

Some people have a hard time with this, especially when someone they know and love starts to cross a new bridge. Being human, they would prefer that things Remain the Same. And that’s why some people have a problem with us when we change or develop or transform. “What’s wrong with you,” they ask. You’ve Changed.”  ---Well duh, yes I am changing. And it’s a good thing for me even though it might not seem that way to you.  

Back to Hobblestone’s uncle: Before he decided to cross the bridge,  some of his friends, genuinely having his best interests at heart, helped him consider the pros and cons about the move, leaving him free to make his own decisions about things, and being willing to support him no matter what decisions he would make.

Would you be able to do that for a friend contemplating a big bridge?

Not everyone can do this. There were other friends, relatives and acquaintances who actively tried to discourage him from moving away. Virgil’s mother was the worst of them all. (You haven’t met Virgil yet but you’re about to get a sense of his mother.) What are some of the things she said to him?

·         You’re taking a big chance, making a move like that.

·         You really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.

·         Why would you want to leave family and friends and everyone important in your life to go to a place where you’d be all alone and homesick?

·         Are you sure you want to sell your house? You’ll have nothing to come back to if things don’t work out.

Do you get the picture? Virgil’s mother was what I call a Bridge-Blocker. And she put all her heart and soul into it. Virgil’s mother, you see, had a big stake in everyone staying on her side of the bridge with her. In fact, if she had her way, there wouldn’t be any bridges at all to cross. Things could just stay comfortable and safe. But life is not like that. We all have bridges, and they’re laid out differently for each of us. That leads us to another Rule:

Rule #2: There’s a configuration meant only for you.

Questions to consider: Who set up the configuration? And who are the Bridge-Blockers in your life?

                Don’t forget Rule # 1. If you cross an important bridge, in essence all those who you leave behind are also forced to cross a bridge, a bridge from Life With You Around All The Time to a life where You’re not Around All the Time. It’s your decision to cross the bridge that makes it necessary for them to cross a bridge perhaps not of their own making. But life is like that. That’s why there are Rules.

                By the way, this blog is not going to be about some merely interesting but trivial questions and concerns such as: What is Hobblestone’s uncle’s name? Why did he move to Topeka? and What arrangement of Pomp and Circumstance did they play at Hobblestone’s graduation?