VI. Rules

VI. Rules

While Aunt Millificent is driving Hobblestone back to her house, I thought we could have a little discussion about Rules. “Why?” you ask? “Why not?”  I answer.  No, no,no---you’re not going to block me while I’m crossing this particular bridge. It wouldn’t be good for me or for you.

Rule # 4: When you block someone’s bridge you might do them harm. In fact, you might also do harm to yourself because you’ll miss out on the benefits the world will enjoy if the bridge you’re blocking manages to get crossed in spite of you.

Is that clear? Good. Then, on with our discussion.

                Rules, Rules, Rules. They’re everywhere. We get them from our parents and teachers, we see them on posters, in classrooms, at work, in the park, on road signs, in company memoranda, even on teabags and fortune cookies. You can’t even get away from them by going to the bathroom—there’s a rule or two hanging there well—safety regulations or something telling employees what they Must Do Before Returning to Work.? It will never end. Rules, rules, rules until the day we die. Maybe we die as well. I haven’t died yet, so I can’t be sure about this. If you die before I die, let me know if you find a way to get in touch. Please?  That brings me to another rule.

Rule # 5: If you’ve never been “there,” or if you’ve never done “it”, let people know that before you start to bother them with your advice about it. In most cases, you’re probably better off not saying anything at all.

                Some rules are very important and some are trivial, and some of them don’t make much sense, especially those made by bureaucrats, but I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t already know.

                Some people are very good at making up rules for others to follow. That’s ok, sometimse, if it’s their job. Parents, for example, make up rules for their children. Sometimes they are little white lies, like If you’re bad, Santa Claus is going to put coal in your stocking! Sometimes parents can get way out of hand with their rules, especially if their main aim is to control or manipulate us. Can you think of a rule that you were given that you now know was like that? If you can, make a comment about it.

Some rules we learn all by ourselves. I remember when I was a little boy and I was fooling around with the knobs in our car and I pulled out the knob that happened to be the cigarette lighter. And I noticed that it was glowing red. So I stuck my finger in it to touch the red glow. Guess what: I made up a rule right then and there. Don’t Ever Do That Again. And I never have. Of course, now cars don’t have cigarette lighters anymore, so maybe that rule’s becoming obsolete.

A lot of rules do become obsolete over time, like the Santa Claus rule, or a rule such as “put the needle down on the record gently!” And sometimes even though the rule has become obsolete, we might not be aware of it and may still be following a rule that no longer needs to be followed. For example: some Catholics still don’t eat meat on Fridays even though that rule has been changed and now it only applies during Lent.

I also think that some restaurants still believe the Friday-meat rule, because they’re always offering fish specials such as “All you can eat fish-and-chips” on Fridays, even when it’s not Lent. And don’t many restaurants have Clam Chowder on the menu on Fridays? Even though we’re allowed to have homemade turkey soup on Fridays, assuming we don’t belong to a religion that has a no-turkey-on-Fridays rule. Anyway, you can thank Catholicism for all the clam chowder restaurants still serve on Fridays.

Anyway, check out the rules you’ve been observing for a long time. Are they still in force? If not, feel free to move one, even if you might tend to feel guilty the first few times you break the rule. You’ll get used to it eventually. I understand. When I was in Catholic school, there was a rule that you always put J.M.J. on the top of the page; then I switched to Public School, and at first I still  kept up the J.M.J. habit until a teacher pointed out that I didn’t have to do that any more. But you know something, I kept feeling guilty when I turned in a paper with no J.M.J. Somehow the page felt incomplete to me. I’m over that now, thank Jesus, Mary and  Joseph.

                Most religions have a lot of rules, some more than others, but I wouldn’t joke about any religion but my own, and especially not religions that go nuts if anyone tries to make fun of them.

               Some rules are obvious—to us, at least--- but we shouldn’t be too quick to make assumptions; they might not be obvious to others. In fact, you might know some people who aren’t aware of any rules at all, such as Hobblestone’s cousin Mary, who marches to the beat of her own drummer. She lives in Berkeley, CA. HA!!!  Did I get  you on that? Did you shake your head and say, “it figures” when you found out she was from Berkeley? Do you have a rule that says “People who live in Berkeley often march to the beat of their own drummers”? Do you?

Some rules actually tell us something about How The Universe Works. Think of the “Do not put metal in this microwave” rule that’s on most microwaves. Have you ever tried to break that rule, just to see what happened? What happened? I’ll bet you never tried to break that rule again.

There are a lot of Rules in the Bible. Right in the beginning, for example, Adam and Eve were given one rule—that’s right, just one rule to obey: DON’T EAT THE FRUIT FROM THAT.ONE.TREE! What happened? They blew it. You see, a serpent came along and lied to them and told them that the rule wasn’t true. So who did they believe, the God who had made them and the fruit and the trees, or some creepy serpent hanging out in the tree? And from then on, we’ve had this tendency to believe an awful lot of lies that get us into an awful lot of trouble. Catholics (and some others) call that “the effects of original sin”—this tendency we have to do things we shouldn’t do even if we’re aware that we shouldn’t be doing them. Do you do that sometimes?

Basically, if you break a rule, someone gets hurt. The bigger the rule, the  more the hurt. If you doubt me, just open the newspaper on any given day and see how many people have gotten hurt because someone broke a rule somewhere.

The Ten Commandments are good examples of rules that tell us how the universe works, even though some people still have trouble believing that. But basically, they’re saying that if you break those rules things are going to get nasty sooner or later. Some people have never thought of the Ten Commandments that way. But look at your own life, and at some of the commandments you’ve broken or continue to break. Have there been any consequences, or has everything turned out okay? If you think things are okay, don’t get too smug, because after all, your life isn’t over yet, and something still might come back and hit you right in the face. I think this might also happen after we die, but I respect your right to think differently. In the end, we’ll all find out who was right—or I should say, after the end.

Some rules are absolutely horrible, make no sense at all and are downright dangerous, but there have been times in history where whole nations of people have blindly followed rules like that without ever questioning them, or if they did question them they did so in silence so they wouldn’t get arrested, imprisoned, tortured or killed. This is still going on, by the way. (Again, I direct your attention to just about any newspaper.) P.S. Bigot-rules also fall under this category.

Some rules are deliberate attempts to deceive people. Consider advertising for plenty of examples. The real insidious thing about advertising is that so often they are somewhat subtle or hidden. Rules like, “if you drive a car like that, people are going to think you’re sexy,” or “that after-dinner drink will draw intelligent, hip and beautiful people to your parties.” Many advertisements portray a style of living that makes people want to have but that very few if any people ever end up really having—and even if they did, they still would be miserable because the truth is they would be living empty shallow lives in pursuit of the consumerist dream.

                Anyway, where is all this leading, you might ask. Well, for now, I’d just like to give you another Rule:

Rule # 6: Don’t take rules for granted. If possible, check them out to see if they’re true or valid, up-to-date or obsolete, and if your gut tells you whether or not they’re to be trusted. And apply this rule to this rule lest you be led astray.

Well, Aunt Millificent has just pulled into the driveway at her house, with Hobblestone fast asleep in the back seat.

And that’s all for now. Just so you know, there will be no rules in this blog about a) Christmas Shopping; b) media moguls; c) Buddhist dietary practices.